London, 2044. Britain is a Republic. President Jan Polak has vanished overnight from Buckingham Palace, just weeks before an election. Has he been kidnapped? Killed? Or just overdone it with the vodka? One man is determined to find out - as soon as he's eaten his breakfast. His name is Pond. Howie Pond – the President’s official spokesperson and wannabe secret agent.

With only a love of James Bond films and London pubs to guide him, Howie sets out on a mission to solve the missing-President mystery, while consuming at least three meals a day. But with his journalist girlfriend, Britt, soon onto the story, the race is on to see who gets to the truth first..!

Amazon #1 Best Seller in British Humor & Satire, Comedy, Dark Comedy and Political Humor

This debut comedy-thriller novel from English author Paul Mathews is packed with sharp British humor, crazy characters, dynamic dialogue and a mystery that will keep you guessing from beginning to end. You'll be transported to a low-tech, high-comedy, post-revolution Britain where the royals aren't welcome and Buckingham Palace is now the centre of government. As well as painting an intriguing vision of the future, the story also casts an eye to the present – mixing satire with traditional British comedy around the trials, tribulations and absurdities of everyday life.

What The Reviews Say:

"If you like British humor and still love a good suspense story, that's the book you are looking for. I'd say it has a very 'Douglas Adams meets John Grisham in a pub' kind of plot."

"So much fun! I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is well written, laugh out loud funny, and keeps you wanting more."

Dr. P. J. Miller's story is unique. Growing up in New York City, who would have thought that he’d complete his veterinary degree at the Royal School of Veterinary Studies in Edinburgh, Scotland? In Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs, Dr. Miller has assembled a "greatest hits" of veterinary tales—stories that include colorful clients, wisecracking hospital staff, and pets that aren't always friendly.

Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs provides a humorous look at what Dr. Miller went through to become a veterinarian and his daily life as a doctor, told only as a typical New Yorker could. Underneath the humor, Dr. Miller gives a glimpse of how strong and emotional the human-animal bond can be, becoming an instant must-read for any aspiring veterinary professional or animal lover that wants to know what it is really like to be a veterinarian.

See his website for further information about the book and for more veterinary tales http://www.yodrmiller.com/

Ella Hannaford has a small business to run, an overworked father to look after and a future stepmother who wants a perfect wedding.

Can she avoid a girly night out with her clueless stepsister? Can she side-step lovesick suitors at every turn? Not if it’s up to that team of foul-mouthed dwarfs who want to forcibly drag her into her happily ever after.

Gingerbread cottages, dodgy European gangsters, gun-toting grannies, wisecracking wolves, stubborn fairy godmothers, ogres, beanstalks and flying carpets abound in a tale about what happens when you refuse to accept your Happy Ending.

A post-Brexit, post-Trump romp through the world of what-if...

In a world where democracy has been declared no longer fit for purpose, a cohort of randomly selected British Republic citizens receive their call to serve in parliament. As the strangers gather to learn their tasks for the next three years, the Cabinet Support Team try to fit jobs to skills—but Queenie can’t do nuffin’. Naturally she becomes head of state. Together the new government muddles through, tackling unrest on the streets and a spot of global bioterrorism in addition to their own journeys of self-discovery.

‘This is hilarious!...shades of Terry Pratchett mixed with everyday realism.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

He thinks he’s a deadly ninja. He's not. He’s Barry Harris and he still lives with his mum.

Barry's been patient, but after twenty-seven years of trimming hedges for people he hates, he's had enough. All he wants to do is to find his missing father and to discover his inner ninja. But life’s not done with throwing him curveballs.
A fatal mistake catapults Barry into the adventure of a lifetime. With talking hedges, samurai ghosts, meddling psychotherapists, and an inexplicably non-linear time pattern conspiring against him, Barry must do battle to save his hide, unleash the ninja within, and rescue his father from an ancient army, a dark sorcerer and a raging inferno.

What is the mysterious Prophecy Allocation Department?

Where is The Before and After?

Even more importantly, Will Barry’s underwear hold out until he has saved the day?

ROY BLABS, 27, a handsome but rumpled college chemistry professor, is puzzling over a formula when TWO STUDENTS accidentally start a chain reaction. Racks of laboratory glassware fall like dominoes, splashing into Roy’s ramen lunch. When he tosses it into a trash bin, he makes an amazing discovery: The noodles can be sculpted into any shape imaginable.
Roy is rushing to the post office with a stamped envelope when he runs into his ex-girlfriend JANE HAGGARD. A svelte but scrappy 25, Jane is fleeing from two mean-looking hulks, THUG and GOON. After a brief struggle, she manages to escape. Thug and Goon capture Roy instead, intending to use him as bait. Roy claims to have no business with Jane, as he’s a chemistry professor, and she’s with the police. Distracted by some lawn sprinklers, the bumbling baddies let Roy slip away. Then the adventure really begins...

PLEASE NOTE: Although this book is part of the IRISH LOTTERY SERIES, there is no cliffhanger. It is true that the characters get older as the series progresses, but each book is a complete story, and can be enjoyed without having read the previous book.

It's danger on the high seas for the Barnetts, but will it come from the authorities, Mother Nature or family Flood?

In Wisconsin six years ago, Ursula Barnett accidentally defrauded her local church of thousands. The statute of limitations is inching closer, and the police are circling in. Panicked, Ursula books herself and her American family passage on a budget centennial Titanic cruise, hoping to ride out the investigation and embark a woman redeemed.

But lurking amongst the leaky walls of the Queen of Crabs is a danger worse than disgruntled, poorly-paid staff, bad food and terrifying onshore excursions: her Irish family, still resentful of the Barnett's lottery win years earlier. Sister-in-law Fionnuala Flood, knowing Ursula is a sitting duck for the next twelve days, rallies the family to retaliate, stopping at nothing to drag lady of leisure Ursula back down into the gutter that is their own life. The Queen of Crabs, though, is not Derry, Northern Ireland, but an alien battlefield, where the Barnetts and Floods find more enemies lurking outside the family than within.

Fleeing The Jurisdiction is equal parts Titanic, Love Boat and Voyage of the Damned, a darkly comic story of family relationships, the politics of envy and, perhaps, some personal redemption.

PREGNANT VIRGIN WALKS INTO A TOWN...THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

"Expect the unexpected! ... A story with an intriguing premise, an author with a great witty voice, and characters that are well developed..." – Storm Goddess Book Reviews

A literary twist on the traditional Christmas story, A SEASON OF SECRETS is the perfect winter read for fans of Barbara Kingsolver, LOVE, ACTUALLY, and THE FAMILY STONE.

There's Something About Mary—something noticeable—that baby bump she’s sporting. And something no one could ever guess—her prenatal exam shows she’s never had sex. Which really puts tiny Bellingham, Indiana on the map! And thereon hangs the real tale—a funny, warm, surprising one.

Mary’s got her own secrets—lots of them. But so does everyone else in Bellingham. Violet the waitress wants something badly! Dr. Bob has big plans. Joe the Postman has regrets. Cammy has a secret love. And Ted may not be quite as godly as he’d like people to think.

The varied ways the townsfolk welcome this waif from nowhere, enfolding her into their hearts and lives despite the air of mystery and strangeness surrounding her (not to mention the TV cameras and paparazzi), is one part heartwarming, one part laugh-out-loud funny.

WHO WILL LIKE IT: Sophisticated readers who like their Christmas goodies a little bit tart and a little sweet--like lemon bars or cranberry shortbread; who prefer LOVE, ACTUALLY to A CHRISTMAS CAROL; who'd like to leave the true meaning of Christmas a little bit mysterious--and possibly open to miracles.

WHO WILL BE OFFENDED: No one! It isn't anti-religious or anti-Christian or anti-Christmas. But it isn't religious either. Whether you're Baptist, or Pagan or Jewish or atheist, it's guaranteed not to offend your sensibilities! Because it's not about religion any more than BAD SANTA is. Although it may poke gentle fun at some of our more materialistic traditions, it's a good-hearted tale that's all about hope. It might even make you feel festive!
 

The #1 New York Times Bestseller

A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from Aziz Ansari, the star of Master of None and one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices

At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?

Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” 

But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.

For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.

In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

#1 New York Times Bestseller

"Amy Schumer's book will make you love her even more. For a comedian of unbridled (and generally hilarious) causticity, Schumer has written a probing, confessional, unguarded, and, yes, majorly humanizing non-memoir, a book that trades less on sarcasm, and more on emotional resonance." —Vogue

"The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo is an alternatingly meditative, sexually explicit, side-splittingly hilarious, heart-wrenching, disturbing, passionately political, and always staggeringly authentic ride through the highs and lows of the comedic powerhouse's life to date." —Harper's Bazaar

"This is your happy hour with Amy Schumer...It's Bossypants meets Trainwreck meets your long weekend." —TheSkimm

“Amy’s got your back. She’s in your corner. She’s an honesty bomb. And she’s coming for you.”
—Actress Tilda Swinton and Trainwreck co-star

The Emmy Award-winning comedian, actress, writer, and star of Inside Amy Schumer and the acclaimed film Trainwreck has taken the entertainment world by storm with her winning blend of smart, satirical humor. Now, Amy Schumer has written a refreshingly candid and uproariously funny collection of (extremely) personal and observational essays.

In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is—a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh.

Ranging from the raucous to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing, this highly entertaining and universally appealing collection is the literary equivalent of a night out with your best friend—an unforgettable and fun adventure that you wish could last forever. Whether she’s experiencing lust-at-first-sight while in the airport security line, sharing her own views on love and marriage, admitting to being an introvert, or discovering her cross-fit instructor’s secret bad habit, Amy Schumer proves to be a bighearted, brave, and thoughtful storyteller that will leave you nodding your head in recognition, laughing out loud, and sobbing uncontrollably—but only because it’s over.

"A delightful read ... a laugh out loud book ... part mystery, part chic lit, part suspense, part romance ... funny, sweet, and very engaging." (A Splendid Messy Life)

Allie Parker's had enough. Just because she's a dog groomer, her overachieving family of doctors and lawyers treats her like a child. She's convinced that a successful husband is all she needs to change their attitudes.

So when she and her friends come up with a brilliant new way to meet eligible men, Allie squeezes into her sister's stylish clothes and sneaks into continental breakfast at an upscale hotel to find herself the perfect guy. Before Allie has taken her last bite of syrup-laden waffle, she's met the man of her dreams. But what she doesn't know is that he's a jewel thief who mistakenly thinks she's his contact--and so does everyone else who's after his stash of diamonds.

Suddenly Allie's world is crazily upended. And as she scrambles to prove her innocence and get back to her old life, she discovers happily ever after sneaks up when you least expect it.

"For anyone who has ever suspected something sinister lurking behind the craze of new-age spirituality, Jessica Grose has crafted just the tale for you. With the delicious bite of satire and the page-turning satisfaction of a thriller, Soulmates is a deeply compelling, funny and sharply observed look at just how far we will go to achieve inner peace."—Lena Dunham

A clever, timely novel about a marriage, and infidelity, the meaning of true spirituality, perception and reality from the author of Sad Desk Salad, in which a scorned ex-wife tries to puzzle out the pieces of her husband’s mysterious death at a yoga retreat and their life together.

It’s been two years since the divorce, and Dana has moved on. She’s killing it at her law firm, she’s never looked better, thanks to all those healthy meals she cooks, and she’s thrown away Ethan’s ratty old plaid recliner. She hardly thinks about her husband—ex-husband—anymore, or about how the man she’d known since college ran away to the Southwest with a yoga instructor, spouting spiritual claptrap that Dana still can’t comprehend.

But when she sees Ethan’s picture splashed across the front page of the New York Post—"Nama-Slay: Yoga Couple Found Dead in New Mexico Cave"—Dana discovers she hasn’t fully let go of Ethan or the past. The article implies that it was a murder-suicide, and Ethan’s to blame. How could the man she once loved so deeply be a killer? Restless to find answers that might help her finally to let go, Dana begins to dig into the mystery surrounding Ethan’s death. Sifting through the clues of his life, Dana finds herself back in the last years of their marriage . . . and discovers that their relationship—like Ethan’s death—wasn’t what it appeared to be.

A novel of marriage, meditation, and all the spaces in between, Soulmates is a page-turning mystery, a delicious satire of our feel-good spiritual culture, and a nuanced look at contemporary relationships by one of the sharpest writers working today.

Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as Prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognises him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish wargamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs.

Heaven, Hell and the city of Birmingham collide in a story that features murder, heavy metal, cannibalism, armed robbers, devious old ladies, Satanists who live with their mums, gentlemen of limited stature, dead vicars, petty archangels, flamethrowers, sex dolls, a blood-soaked school assembly and way too much alcohol.

Clovenhoof is outrageous and irreverent (and laugh out loud funny!) but it is also filled with huge warmth and humanity. Written by first-time collaborators Heide Goody and Iain Grant, Clovenhoof will have you rooting for the bad guy like never before.

F. Paul Wilson: "Clovenhoof is a delight. A funny, often hilarious romp with a dethroned Satan as he tries to adjust to modern suburbia. The breezy, ironic prose sets a perfect tone. If you need some laughs, here's the remedy."

Voted "TBC Favourite Comedy 2015" by real readers.

Dr. P. J. Miller's story is unique. Growing up in New York City, who would have thought that he’d complete his veterinary degree at the Royal School of Veterinary Studies in Edinburgh, Scotland? In Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs, Dr. Miller has assembled a "greatest hits" of veterinary tales—stories that include colorful clients, wisecracking hospital staff, and pets that aren't always friendly.

Cute Poodles, Sweet Old Ladies & Hugs provides a humorous look at what Dr. Miller went through to become a veterinarian and his daily life as a doctor, told only as a typical New Yorker could. Underneath the humor, Dr. Miller gives a glimpse of how strong and emotional the human-animal bond can be, becoming an instant must-read for any aspiring veterinary professional or animal lover that wants to know what it is really like to be a veterinarian.

See his website for further information about the book and for more veterinary tales http://www.yodrmiller.com/

This book is a celebration of puns, jokes, and humor that only Dads, and Dads-in-Training, can appreciate. From short and funny zingers to longer stories that will have your audience groaning with laughter, this book has everything you need to tell awfully funny jokes.

If you’re a Dad, you will love it. If you’re a child, you will grow wiser and more wonderful in your father’s eyes with each terrible but hilarious joke you tell him.

Do yourself a favor, get this book and become the life of the party, an instant wit, and possibly your father’s favorite child.

As Lord Byron, who no doubt survived many an awkward situation himself, said, “Always laugh whenever you can. It is cheap medicine."

In the Glow of the Lavalamp delivers ten stories of sex gone hilariously wrong, set in the bathtubs, back seats, battlegrounds, and bedrooms of America. These tales confirm that bizarre is indeed the nature of the universe and humor may be the best path through it.

A grad student rappels down the side of a building on a bed sheet in an attempt to escape shame. An unlikely couple destroys a family heirloom when desire careens out of control. A bumbling lothario nearly beheads his lover when his seduction plans go awry. A middle-aged woman finds herself entwined in a passionate embrace at a Civil War battlefield. Earnest people, hell-bent on believing that reality lies at the surface of things, scramble toward acceptance of their humanity as they stumble over the unspoken and unacknowledged.

You'll laugh, grimace, maybe even shriek with recognition. Odd as it may seem, tales of bad sex and other misfortunes can restore your faith in humankind, in your ability to weather the chaos of life, and in the healing power of laughter. Light and redemption glitter among the catastrophes within these pages.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, but someone still needs to do the paperwork.
Incomprehensible horrors from beyond are going to devour our world but that’s no excuse to get all emotional about it. Morag Murray works for the secret government organisation responsible for making sure the apocalypse goes as smoothly and as quietly as possible.
In her first week on the job, Morag has to hunt down a man-eating starfish, solve a supernatural murder and, if she’s got time, prevent her own inevitable death.
The first book in a new comedy series by the creators of ‘Clovenhoof’, Oddjobs is a sideswipe at the world of work and a fantastical adventure featuring amphibian wannabe gangstas, mad old cat ladies, ancient gods, apocalyptic scrabble, fish porn, telepathic curry and, possibly, the end of the world before the weekend.

Hilarious, Darkly Comedic Workplace Novel

Attaining the American Dream One Lie at a Time.

Kevin Taylor is a woefully mediocre man who finds himself at a crossroads in his mid-30's. Everyday his alarm clock wakes him up for the cold realization that he has to go to a job that he downright loathes. His cubicle is his own private cell for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

All of his efforts to get a promotion or get another job over the past 10 years have been thwarted by his indifference towards hard work and overall incompetence. He feels destined to be stuck in the glut of the lower middle-class, living from check to check, never having the ability to do the things he wants to do, and going to a passionless job he hates in order to maintain his mediocre fate.

He is then proposed a scenario where he would be guaranteed a promotion at his job by getting all of his rival co-workers fired from their respective positions, thus leaving him as the only candidate for the lone vacancy. This strategy of office terrorism leads him into a string of hysterical occurrences as he quests to get what he thinks he rightfully deserves.

Until the outbreak of the First World War, young Cameron Blair would have liked nothing better than to stay in Edinburgh and marry his childhood sweetheart. As the call to arms goes out, Cameron and his pals sign up to fight for their country. They are soon delivered into the nightmare of war, and there Cameron more than meets his maker.

The story follows Cameron as he comes to terms with his new ‘life’, from his first days as a hapless vampire in war-torn France to the glamorous modern day setting of the Côte d’Azur. Along the way, he develops a distinctive taste for the finer things in life: jewels, yachts, small dogs and champagne-infused human...

This is a dark comedy, not suitable for the faint-hearted. Cameron, our vampire, has an unusual diet.

follow language in the blood on:
Web page: http://www.cruftslover.adzl.com/
Author page: https://www.facebook.com/CruftsloverAkaCameronBlair

Book 1: They were the Best of Gnomes, They were the Worst of Gnomes.

Two Gnomes -Grimbledung and Drimblerod- are just trying to get along in life when their worlds collide. Drimblerod runs a moderately reputable second-hand wand shop that does pretty well at moving inventory. Grimbledung runs a disreputable second-hand wand wagon that he moves regularly to avoid the authorities.

Drimblerod thinks he has found the perfect partner- someone he can trust (he's a fellow Gnome, after all) and one that will keep away pesky non-buying window shoppers. Little does he realize that his new-found partner suffers from Pixie Madness! Thanks to a ricochet to the head in the Great Pixie Uprising, Grimbledung experiences episodes of instability and uncontrolled fits of Pixie-anger!

As Grimbledung gets used to his new life of respectable shop ownership, the pair end up befriending Nulu Bentknees the Trolless across the street, Pozzuoli Consigliore the Dwarf next door, and even the town constable- Akita Finnish (a Werewolf who would rather bask in the sun than do anything else). Along with Big Julie, the headmistress of the school of magic down the road, this diverse group learns to deal with Grimbledung's antics as they try to refocus his outlandish get rich schemes and unpredictable outbursts into something more productive. Or at least more quiet!

Things start to look up until Grimbledung manages to annoy the entire Great Halfling Empire. Well, at least the Halfling soldiers in town. It takes until late in Book 2 for the ENTIRE empire to get annoyed with him. He is just one Gnome, after all. With an impending invasion, everyone is on their toes. It doesn't help that Grimbledung is stepping on them!

Book 6, "It's the Election, Stupid" is in the works. You're welcome.